Learning To Live With Me

Well, I said I was a 'big girl' and could handle being without my other half. I lied. It's not that I mind being by myself @ times, just not liking this all the time. Separation Anxiety usually applies to children, but I have the heaviest feeling when I know I won't see him for weeks at a time. Even though this is nothing compared to those military families who must be apart from their loved ones for months or even years at a time, there is a large gap when he's away that just cannot be filled. I'm wondering if I'll actually get adjusted to it or if I'll have to continue to tell myself "we can do this" everytime he leaves. In our almost 30 years of marriage we've been apart for not more than a week at a time and that was temporary during a few jobs. Making a bigger deal than necessary? Probably, if I blog it out, I can fill just a few moments of the alone time.

God is already giving me opportunities to use this 'free time' in a way that will benifit others and glorify Him. Now I must be careful to listen to His bidding and obey. He knows the best way to make the time go by quickly and I just have to remember that it's not all about me. Certainly the Lord knew from the very first morning Monty drove out for his extended leave that I would be more available for His plans to be carried out. I do gain comfort from the realization that while He teaches me to 'live with me' I can be useful to Him. Okay God, let's fill it up.

2012...Really?

One more year gone....another one beginning with a brand new calender to fill. I can remember doing that very thing; filling my calender with appointments, birthdays(I once remembered those and acknowledged them in a timely fashion), anniversaries, vacations, things to do & goals to accomplish. What happened? I don't even know how to do that anymore. It is definately one day at a time these days. My schedule changes without much notice, if any. Doesn't matter that much to me though; I'm getting used to it(with the exception of keeping up with birthdays...I truely need to get those written in that 2012 calender).
Jesus said not to worry about our lives anymore than the birds of the air or the lilies of the field worry about what they will eat or how they will be clothed. I'm not well praticed at that particular verse. I don't call it worry, however, I imagine that it consumes more of my time than it should. After all, 'I'm the mother' and my people would be hungry and naked if I weren't somewhat concerned with food & clothes.
This year is already pushing my anxious button just a little bit because my daughter will give birth to grandchild #2 in just a few weeks; #1 just had his first birthday before Christmas; it was a grand celebration with family & friends; we do enjoy a party. I am remembering things that my mamaw said and did when I was a little girl. She was completely 'silly' over me and my sister. I have become entirely 'silly', as well, over my grandson and will be the same over the one about to arrive. As a matter of fact I'm planning on it! It is a grandmother's right to be 'silly' over her grandchildren.
"God is so good all the time, all the time God is good." This has been a fact from the beginning of time, but I have personally experienced this for 47(almost 48)years now. He will be my strength when I am weak and the treasure that I seek; He is my all in all, as the song says. My prayer is.....Lord, as this new year begins, help me to fill my calender with what is important to you. Amen.

Mother's Day Prayer

We did not realized that I would be back here so soon, but I must share this wonderful news. I believe this may be the best mother's day. My daughter is home. She finally saw through the lies and had enough! My sweet friend told me years ago that I would be thankful for that strong-willed girl one day. She was right; that day has come. Just a couple of days ago, Monty shared our heart-ache with our dear Mennonite friend and Tim told him that he would pray. He told me about this tonight and we attested that "the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much", James 5:16. Today was an answer to many prayers...too numerous to count. Our church family, friends and relatives have brought us before His throne many times and we are truly thankful that God hears those who love Him. So my prayer this mother's day will be in thanksgiving.

For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You. Psalm 86:5

Not How We Pictured It

2011 brought change to our lives that we could not have imagined. One that we still wish was only a horrible nightmare; how we would love to be shaken awake to hear someone say "It's okay, it was just a bad dream and everything is just fine". Instead, our heavy hearts cannot feel relief from the pain. My mind repeats "His burden is light" and "He will not give us more than we can carry" but my everything else feels weighed down with the reality of it. Eight weeks to graduate and our daughter checked out....of our lives, of her high school, of reality and of anything & everything that our family has known for her almost 19 years of life. Still in shock, we don't understand what happened. We are not the first nor the last to feel this agony over a child gone astray. Since the time our Lord shared the story of the prodical son parents have experienced these life-changing events.
However, in the midst of pain & turmoil God placed a precious soul to give us joy...Mason Cole, this smiling, laughing, adorable baby boy. This grandson gift is keeping us from 'losing it' because our sanity is being preserved by this little bundle of love who needs or actually demands our undivided attention. We are all smitten by his charming ways! God is good all the time, all the time God is good.

Grand-parenthood

This has been a most wonderful day. Our first day to be grandparents and I am already getting a glimpse of how difficult it will be living so many miles away from this precious grandson. Just a little more than 12 hours between us, but enough to make it impossible to have a daily or even weekly visit. However, instead of pining over the distance, I am choosing to fill my mind with thoughts of a time when we can have him near; growing up just down the road from his grandparents the way I grew up, on the same acerage that five generations have now shared with our grandson beginning the sixth. Won't that be 'grand' to have him close enough to see him most everyday! Of course it will; maybe that's how the name 'grand'child began.

As I held this sweet baby and talked to him tonight, he opened his eyes and looked up at me as though he was understanding all that I said, absorbing every word like a new sponge soaking up water; memorizing my voice while providing me with memories to cherish for the rest of my life.

Just My Thoughts

I had a nice 1/2 mile walk down my driveway, for just a little trip to the mailbox, and back with the wind boosting my stride. I enjoyed the warm sunshine kissing my face all the way; days like this make me want to lay in the hammock out back, but I have more paperwork to do. Now, back upstairs in our office, I can see the 2-acre lake from the window with the blue waves rippling toward the shoreline. Looking out across the green pasture one would never dream that it was snow covered just two days ago. I was happy to see that my petunias survived the 'white surpise' with no evidence of even a sting from the cold! We always have that last cold snap @ easter, but could this take the place of that historical event? That would be so terrific! In just under two weeks we will know for sure.

Easter is always good time to gather the family together for an afternoon of food & fellowship. No little ones to hunt easter eggs these days, so we just enjoy a great meal and visit; or maybe this year we can take in a matinee @ the movies to see "The Last Song". Sounds like a fun way to spend the day. All that will be fine, but the first order of the day is our worship honoring the Lord who gave his life on the cross and rose again all those years ago. He is the reason we can enjoy time together as heirs of the King. The resurrection of Christ gives us more reason to celebrate than anything the world can offer. As this special time of year approaches we can give thanks for many things, but most of all for Jesus. He's the reason for every season!

Spring is about to spring!

Just a few more days before the official 1st day of spring. We've had several wonderful sunshine-filled days; today, not so sure about the sunshine. It's looking rather grey with ominous clouds scattered about.
Spring break, as I remember it, was a chance for school kids to enjoy time with family and friends away from school on a vacation,if we were really fortunate; not these days, though. We spent our first day of 'spring break' @ a district softball game and today will be the same. Maybe we should rename the 'break' part to 'blink' since it will be over in the 'blink' of an eye with no vacation to sooth our tired souls. In the old days, our spring break gave us the boost we needed to make it through, what seemed at the time, to be relentless days of school until summer break! I now realize that it all went too quickly and I should have relished those school days and put more focus on enjoying my studies, right? Alas, the cruel hands of time will not turn back, only forward at what seems to be a terribly rapid pace.
So this day we will enjoy our 'spring break' softball game feeling blessed to have, if only a few, days left to play or work @ what we choose without more softball.